Hello! Thanks for checking out my site. My government name is Tim Crowley. I’m a 47 year old guy who really likes the silver ball, among other goofy, nerdy, odd pursuits. Southern California has been my home since 1991.

What is this site about?

Primarily pinball, but it’s really whatever I’m feeling at the moment. Video games, board games, music, whatever.

Why should I read this particular blog?

Because my passion gets misinterpreted on message boards very frequently. I’ve gotten permabanned from all sorts of sites, from Gaming Age to Yelp. Online, I tend to go against the grain and get on peoples’ nerves a lot… so now I’m just here, doing my thing.

You sound like an asshole. 

Eh. I am, I guess. But to know me is to love me!

You’re not even that good at pinball!

Aw, don’t rub it in! Actually, I think I’m getting better with every year. My wrists get sore sometimes though, that never used to happen.

Whatever. What are your influences?

ego trip, Grand Royal, Select from the UK, Pulse Magazine from Tower Records, The Village Voice, The San Diego Reader, OC Weekly, LA Weekly, go$$iping bitches, Vice, Fucked Company, and so on and so forth.

Where does “Cornelius” and “Cornball” and Corn this, Corn that come from?

When I was a kid, I was a Navy brat. Every year we moved somewhere different, and even when we stayed put for a few years, we were still moving around town and I was moving from school to school.

When my stepdad retired from the Navy, we moved to a little suburb outside of Philadelphia called “Ridley Park”. I enrolled in Ridley High School. Before school even started, I enrolled in Marching Band and went off to Band Camp with a bunch of kids I had met before. To my surprise and delight, they accepted me as one of their own… but not without a little hazing, first. I was part of the Bass Drum section, and we were off practicing. I made a stupid joke during practice and one of the other Bass Drum players said “man, you are one corny fuck!”. Someone else misheard them and screamed, “did you just call him a CORNFUCK??”. Everybody laughed. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. The name stuck.

Actually, they were really calling me Cornfuck as a term of endearment, but that’s not what teachers and adults and non-band members want to hear. So the nickname got shortened to “Corn”. Then, when I started playing hip-hop on the high school radio station, I went by the name of “DJ Corn”. Then that became “Saint Cornelius”. And now it’s just plain old “Cornelius”. It has nothing to do with Planet of the Apes, although yes, you’re very clever, and yes, I’ve heard “Mister Crowley, do you talk to the dead?” about a million times.

July 18, 2017 update:

Deleted on June 5, 2020. Not worth the pain.

June 5, 2020 update:

As Stephen Malkmus sang, “I’m tryinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggg”